The Keys To Raising Happy Children
A recent opinion piece in The Atlantic suggested (with research-based data) that parents do not have as much influence on their children’s growth and development as they may think. As a parent, this may come as a surprise and could be rather disconcerting! I would venture that most parents frequently feel that they do not have all the answers to perfect parenting. And I imagine that suggesting parents have less influence than they thought only fans the flames of parental insecurity! But to this parent’s great relief, the article shares that there is still much we can do to help our children grow into ethical, honest, and ultimately happy adults.
“You will make a lot of mistakes, but mostly they won’t matter.
I can think of my selfishness and blunders…
and on some sleepless nights the instances roll around in my head and fill me with regret.
But then I look at my son …he loves me and I love him; we talk every single day;
and despite all of my missteps, he turned out just fine.
And most likely, so will your child.” Arthur C. Brooks
In his piece, One Big Thing You Can Do For Your Kids (The Atlantic, April 4, 2024), writer Arthur C. Brooks examines the nature vs nurture view child & youth development. For generations, nurture was placed well ahead of nature suggesting that us parents had considerable control over who are children would grow up to be. But more recent research suggests that nature (things outside of our direct control) plays a significant role in who are children become. But the good news is that we as parents still have much we can contribute in our efforts to guide our children into becoming responsible, loving, and content. Let’s take a look at some of Mr. Brooks’ conclusions:
1. Even a hot mess can be a good parent.
It is easy to despair at being a parent—or to give yourself a pass—if you struggle with your own happiness or with a troublesome personality. But when it comes to conscientiousness and agreeableness (which, again, are what we really want for our children), parenting choices to be involved in their lives, and provide structure and goals, make a significant difference. And parenting does have a huge impact on their happiness.
2. When you don’t know what to do, be warm and loving.
For happiness, the parenting technique that truly matters is warmth and affection. Your kids don’t need a drill sergeant, Santa Claus, or a helicopter mom; they need someone who loves them unconditionally… Especially when they’re at their most brattish. Remember: That is what they will remember and give to your grandchildren when they themselves become parents.
3. Be the person you want your kids to become.
The data don’t lie, but as parents we do. Kids… always notice when we say one thing and do another. Of course, deciding how to act to create the right example for them to follow isn’t always easy. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself how you’d like your son or daughter to behave as an adult in a given situation – and then do that yourself. When you’re driving and get cut off in traffic, you would like it not to bother them – so don’t let them see it bothering you. You’d like them to be generous to others, so be generous too.
I am particularly drawn to #3 as it is all about being a positive role model for your child. And in doing so, I have found that it has made me a better person as I continue adjust behaviors even when I am out of view of my children!
Speaking of role modeling – at Camp WeHaKee we are very intentional in helping our staff be the kind of role models you want for your children. Our WeHaKee parents frequently share that their children return home with more positive behaviors than before their time at camp. WeHaKee is a great supplement to the strong parenting you are already providing! Click HERE to learn more! Thanks for joing us this week and have a great day!
