Failure Is An Option For WeHaKee Campers!
For those who saw the movie, Apollo 13 (or grew up during the real-life crisis of this aborted moon mission) , there is an iconic line that epitomizes the efforts made to help the three astronauts return home safely – “Failure is not an option”. One could argue though, that failure was in fact an option in the drama around the Apollo 13 mission. It was the failure within the oxygen system aboard the spacecraft that resulted in the life-or-death situation. Fortunately, the engineers and all involved in the rescue mission were able to quickly learn from the mistakes leading the oxygen system breakdown. With this new knowledge, they were able to create new ways of doing things that allowed them to keep the astronauts safe and return them to earth alive and well!Certainly in life or death scenarios, the lack of success is not a viable choice.
Sadly, many of today’s parents lean into this concept that their children should be protected and never experience failure, consistently doing whatever they can at whatever cost to ensure their children only experience success. This approach however, deeply interferes with the proper and positive development of their children. Failure and the natural consequences that result from it can be one of the most effective ways for a child to learn. The key is learning from one’s mistakes – the events that lead to the eventual failure – and learning to do things differently to avoid repeating the failure.
At Camp WeHaKee, we often share that WeHaKee is a great place to fail. That statement is often met with puzzled looks, but we continue by pointing out that when one ‘fails’ at camp our camp culture is one where the counselors and often other campers reach out respectfully to encourage the ‘failing’ camper step up and give it another try with supportive guidance and assistance. We embrace failures at camp as opportunities to learn and grow and in turn enhancing resilience, confidence and independence! So yes, failure IS an option at Camp WeHaKee, which very frequently leads to success on many levels!
A recent article at EmpoweringParents.com, When You Should Let Your Child Fail: The Benefits of Natural Consequences explore the benefits of delayed success in children and when we as parents should step back and let the consequences lead to growth. Here are some of the highlights that author, James Lehman, MSW provide:
While it’s natural for parents to worry about failure, there are times when it can be productive for kids—and a chance for kids to change for the better.
But watching your child fail makes you feel helpless, angry, and sad. You worry about everything from your child’s self-esteem and social development to their future success.
When a Crisis is an Opportunity
In a crisis, parents see the danger part very clearly, but often don’t see the opportunity part. They don’t see that their child has the opportunity to learn an important lesson. The lesson might be about the true cost of cutting corners, what happens when he doesn’t do his best at something, or the real consequences for not being productive.
Don’t Be a Martyr for Your Child
Martyr parents are overly anxious when their children feel any discomfort or distress. And, to cope with their own anxiety, martyr parents will do whatever it takes to eliminate their child’s distress. In the process, these parents rob their kids of the opportunity to learn coping skills.
Don’t Shield Your Child from Natural Consequences
When you try to change the actions of people around your child so they don’t face the natural consequences of their actions, they learns the wrong lesson. She learns that if she screws up enough, Mom and Dad will take care of them. They learn that Mom and Dad will handle the teacher for them.
Failure is Not the End of the World
Failure is not the end of the world. It’s a lesson. It’s a gauge of how they’re doing. And it’s designed to help them see that they’re not making the grade. If they failed something, they need to solve the problem responsibly.
Kids Need to Build Up a Tolerance for Discomfort
Kids need to build up a tolerance for discomfort, an emotional callous if you will. Building this tolerance for discomfort is important because discomfort is a big part of life. We have to learn to sit in traffic, to lose a game, or to get passed over for a promotion. Life is naturally full of failures, even for the most successful people.
Your child needs to be able to learn how to manage these situations in order to develop a tolerance for them. And make no mistake, if they don’t learn to tolerate discomfort, they’re going to be a very frustrated adolescent and adult.
At Camp WeHaKee, we feel strongly that failure should not be feared. Rather it should be embraced as one step towards success, achievement and ultimately personal satisfaction. To learn more about all that we have to offer at WeHaKee, please click HERE to visit our website. Or better yet, click HERE to register today! In the meantime, have not only a wonderful day, but a day that matters!
